| sweet mother of pearl!!! |
[01 Sep 2007|05:24pm] |
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my archived entries before december 2004 no longer exist...the pain!!! the horror!!! ...ahhH!!! ...what am I going to put in my book now???
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| good ol' jeff...he has a scoring system for roadkill |
[05 Jul 2006|09:53pm] |
hellfire15151568: if france wins the world cup...ill kill myself
Auto response from n h s p y: its simply splendiferous that you IMed me...unfortuN8ly for you, I am doing adventurous things...so adventurous in fact, that I forgot to put up an away message...or did I? ...either way, I'll return eventually, so just wait for my return and think of all the good times
n h s p y: thats no good
hellfire15151568: im afraid im serious this time
hellfire15151568: i know ive said it before
hellfire15151568: but this time i really mean it
n h s p y: NO
hellfire15151568: well I have at LEAST until the 9th
n h s p y: at least let someone run you over with a car so they can get some points for it
n h s p y: speaking of which...I ran over a cat
n h s p y: it was a solid hit
n h s p y: how many points do I get
hellfire15151568: color?
n h s p y: orange
n h s p y: both the front and back tires on the right side ran over its back
hellfire15151568: was it flung completely from the road and was it domestic
hellfire15151568: ?
n h s p y: no, it stayed right where it got hit
n h s p y: and yes, it looked domestic
hellfire15151568: ok
hellfire15151568: lemme tally this
hellfire15151568: a cat is worth 100 anyway
hellfire15151568: so you've got a good start
hellfire15151568: you get nothing for the color im afraid. it has to be black or calico
hellfire15151568: but you get 25% for domestic and ill add 15 onto the top for the tires
hellfire15151568: so i give you 140
hellfire15151568: thats more than i hae
hellfire15151568: have*
hellfire15151568: well done
n h s p y: thats pretty decent
n h s p y: I'll accept it
n h s p y: what about deer
hellfire15151568: 250 off the bat
n h s p y: one ran into my grandpas truck
hellfire15151568: did it hit you or did you hit it?
n h s p y: it hit us
hellfire15151568: instant kill? flung from road? antlers?
hellfire15151568: any dismemberment
n h s p y: flung to the other side
n h s p y: it layed dead for five seconds
n h s p y: then flopped like a fish for a while
hellfire15151568: woah.
n h s p y: really amazing...almost better than a death
hellfire15151568: well ill tell ya, cause you didnt hit it, your losing half.
n h s p y: I didnt know deer could do that
hellfire15151568: thats just the way it works
hellfire15151568: wait wait.
hellfire15151568: did it run across the road into you?
n h s p y: and then it did get back up and stumble across the road
n h s p y: yes
hellfire15151568: you dont have to go out of your way to hit it
n h s p y: and then was flung back to the side it came from
hellfire15151568: was it a buck?
n h s p y: no, I'm afraid it was only a doe
hellfire15151568: ok well
hellfire15151568: 250 + ive never done seizures before but.
hellfire15151568: the instant kill it a bonus 75 cause its hard to do.
n h s p y: but it came back to life
hellfire15151568: you didnt kill it?
n h s p y: no, it flopped around and got back up
hellfire15151568: oh, then you dont get anything
hellfire15151568: sory.
hellfire15151568: but thats quite a story.
n h s p y: and sort of drunkenly staggered back across the road
n h s p y: yeah, I thought maybe the visual would get like 5 pts or something
n h s p y: but I understand you only deal strictly with roadkill
hellfire15151568: its a good story to tell your children when you tuck them into bed.
n h s p y: LOL
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| its fun to find things that you didn't remember existed... |
[23 Jan 2006|02:09pm] |
this was a collaborative effort between myself and the "great bacon lord," entitled:
In Search of the Good Life
Do you treat your dinner special?
Do you keep your foodstuffs safe?
If a robber tries to steal them,
Do you grab it and then strafe...
Away from the enemy there
All to hide the tasty smell
And to horde these tasty tasties
In the bottom of a well?
Even so, does it still smoulder,
Since you baked it much to long
Better that you leave it baking,
And break out into a song!
Little did you know that pancakes
Are still ever good to eat,
And the waffles, OH the waffles
Where there underneath your feet!
But, the waffles, OH the waffles,
I like mine made in a mold.
When the tasty waffles flatten,
It does surely make them bold!
But what ever would be happ'ning
If of gold these foods were made ?
How would then Royalty treat them,
Smother them in marmalade?
Cry and howl and howl some more then
If the biting chips their teeth,
And in some fits of pure anger
Do throw them into the streets!
I do think they may throw them there,
Really, I do think they might!
Even though the lordships did waste,
There exist the birds of flight.
Scavenging waste on the streetside,
Would they eat this tasty might?
But can the innards of the foul
Digest foods of golden make,
And what of penguins in the snow?
Would these waffles they partake?
A collaberation of &y and N8
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| Subject: Interpretations Of Nostradamus??? |
[10 Jan 2006|09:24pm] |
DORMITORY
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
MOTHER-IN-LAW
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z'S
A DECIMAL POINT
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
When you rearrange the letters
(With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
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| new year's reso-wha??? |
[02 Jan 2006|09:29pm] |
I figure this year I might as well jump on this bandwagon and do this whole resolution thing...
1. **** ***** ***** ***
2. ***** ************* ****
3. **** ** ********* - **** * **** ** *** ****** *****
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[25 Dec 2005|11:08am] |
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
...regardless of whether you were naughty or nice ;)
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[24 Dec 2005|12:45pm] |
pete and I decided to show up at oz5k's house last night because he has been going to school in arizona and no one has heard from him for a while...of course, he is there, so we order him to put his shoes on and the night begins...we head out to 5th because schiztopher is apparently supposed to be there, but more importantly, thats where the irish pub is...we all order a guiness and the girl brings it to us in plastic cups!!! ...thats not cool, so we give her a hard time and make her do a test with a glass and water to make sure it is the same size...surprisingly it is actually bigger, but by this time, she has wasted a lot of our time by being slow so we decide to go to the bar where pete's friend works...on the way out though, I run into my RA from sutton...surprising as that is, her boyfriend won't let her talk to me, so it was more of that passing-sort of conversation where it goes like this: "hey, how are you...good, how are you"...that was it. you'd think if you saw someone randomly like that you could talk a little bit more, but whatever...we left and went to pelican larrys where we got the hook up and much fun was had by all...especially when oz5k called up this girl he knows who has red hair...that was the only description I got, so when he handed the phone to me I just started talking about people with red hair and giving her a hard time, as per normal, and I called her "firecrotch," and it was apparently a nickname she had back in highschool...good times...so hopefully oz5k remembers to call her that.
the end.
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| I get called out twice in two days... |
[22 Dec 2005|04:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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in my head, as usual... |
] |
so yesterday, I went caroling and we were riding on this trolley...it was suggested that the younger people give up the seats in the front, so that the older people could have them(there were a lot of old people and they walked really slow)...so, being the good guy that I am, I switched to a seat towards the back at the next stop...BIG MISTAKE!!! ...I wasn't there for more than a minute before some 75yr old lady came up to me and said "you're in my seat."
me: "yes, I know that...but, you see, I've given up my seat in the front so others can sit there"
old lady: "YOU'RE IN MY SEAT!!!"
me: (standing up)"I just told you why I'm (old lady, cutting me off: "YOU'RE IN MY SEAT!!!")here...but, if it bothers you that much, I'll move..."
I walk back towards my seat and she waddles past...no idea when they assigned seats, but apparently I didnt get the memo...anyway, the rest of the trip was awesome and I got to sing all those Christmas songs that I really like, but aren't politically correct anymore...also, there was this little kid that was only about 2 feet tall that provided entertainment - he was always running all over the place and when we got to this one person's house, he walked right up, turned the knob, and started walking in...too bad someone stopped him.
fast forward to today.
I went to the mall for lunch and got orange chicken at the chinese place because it is awesome. I sit down at a table with this other lady because seats are very scarce as everyone is at the mall for last minute christmas shopping and such. the lady there, gets up and leaves because she is apparently uncomfortable around someone she doesnt know...then an entire family sits down with me(a mom, a dad, and a son)...the son apparently has to get a present for his girlfriend and they are giving him suggestions and stuff...the mom says:"get her some jewelry"...now, unless you've been seeing this girl for a while, I think jewelry is dumb, because its like you're trying to buy her...which makes her a whore...but what do I know...so, I respond with, "yeah, you can get her some from those 25cent machines they have." its funny...the dad and the son laugh...then out of the blue the mom calls me out and is like, "This is why you don't have a girlfriend."
...
...
...
I've got nothing. I finish my lunch and leave.
in other news, I got out of work about an hour and a half early, which is awesome. long weekend and Christmas...w00t!!!
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| naples beware!!! |
[17 Dec 2005|12:50am] |
thats right...finally hung out with pete again after a long while of us both being at school and having stuff to do, etc. we rocked out to linkin' park like old times and almost went to visit schiztopher, but we figured he'd be doing something with his car club...we headed out to 5th and there was the usual recounting of new stories and adventures, and as we were walking along, there were these three girls that were leaving this restaurant/club and the one girl said to the others "are you just going to leave me behind?" ...and me, being me, I responded: "yeah, whats up with that? you can't just leave a friend behind"...and I guess this girl thought I was trying to pick up her and her friends or she just had really bad earwax, or a combination of both because she turned around and said, "WE'RE not leaving anyone behind." great. just trying to make conversation, but thanks for being a bitch so I didnt waste my time...I think maybe she was stuck being DD or something because the other two seemed like they were having fun and one of them was expressing the thought that we might be italian in a loud enough voice that we could clearly hear it while walking behind them...the thing is, neither one of us look remotely italian...I think she just liked my hat.
so then we decide to leave and we're walking to the parking garage and we get there and I am parked between floors 1 and 2. there is a cadillac that is obviously waiting for my spot...they stopped on the ramp between floors 1 and 2 before I ever got there...now, I appreciate laziness, but if you expect me to rush because you want my spot, I don't like you...at all. so we decided to mess with them and took our sweet time getting to the car...then, examining the ad that someone had left on my window...then, getting in, starting the car, finding the right temperature, POLISHING OUR SEATBELTS...you get the idea...it was really funny...the cadillac just sat there for at least 5 minutes while we did everything possible to avoid even turning the car on(it takes me many steps to do this and there is a certain procedure one must follow)...they finally drove up a floor, backed up, turned around and left...we saved 5th ave. from impatient people...hoo-rah.
thats about it.
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| woo, free samples!!! |
[10 Dec 2005|04:31pm] |
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so there I was at Sam's(edit: COSTCO), and they had a plethora of free samples...my brother and I went around to all the tables at least twice...and naturally, this caused a great thirst...so I frequently visited the concentrated orange juice table...until the old lady that was working there shook her finger at me and said "that's going to be the last one for you, mister"...she was not happy(she moved her booth about 5min later, too)...neither was the lady who was showcasing whipped cream by serving it on top of egg nog, when I asked for only egg nog. I went back to that one a few times too...
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| what a good boy I am |
[06 Dec 2005|04:36pm] |
 Dear Santa...
Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
Last Friday I gave change to a homeless guy (19 points). In April I pulled ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) empatheticdream's hair (-5 points). In February I broke bill_in_london's X-Box (-12 points). In May I ruled Iran as a kind and benevolent dictator (700 points). Last Saturday I put money in dianafelixyo's expired parking meter (14 points).
Overall, I've been nice (716 points). For Christmas I deserve a toy train!
Sincerely,
n8r |
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[29 Nov 2005|02:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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When the Tigers Broke Free (its playing in my head) |
] |
R.I.P. El gato
remember not that he died, but how he lived...
I have a picture of el gato as a young fish, but I can't find it right now...
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| "Re: Freddie's Online story" |
[25 Oct 2005|01:33am] |
apparently my name is "Mictlantecuhtli Helbig" and Freddie is offering advice on how to maintain my erection to tire out a beautiful woman...but seriously Freddie...what should I do for 20-30 minutes??? I dont really have that much time to just sit around doing nothing...ah, the struggles of me as a 39 yr. old. with a name I can't pronounce...
"I am a 39 year old male and in good health and fairly fit, but realized a while back that sometimes I had a hard time maintaining an erection.
I am single, but I do date a lot and I believe many times the problem was due to anxiety and pressure to perform with someone new.
I bought Vjaggra online http://www.deihnet.com and decided to give it a go.
WOW WOW WOW it kicked in after about 20-30 minutes and that was just perfect, as I knew where the evening was going.
She is a beautiful woman with a great body and I did not think I needed it with her, but let me just say After the 5th time
I am not kidding ;) she said: Please no more lol unbelievable.
It was like being a teenager over again. Amazing!"
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| ...obviously ;) |
[21 Oct 2005|04:47pm] |
The Exotic Lover
31% partner focus, 42% aggressiveness, 65% adventurousness | Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:
You prefer your romance and love to wild and daring rather than typical
or boring, you would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and, when
it comes to physical love, you concentrate more on enjoying the
experience rather than worrying about your performance.
This places you in the Lover Style of: The Exotic Lover.
The Exotic Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and conjures
images of the exotic, romantic hero out of a romance novel, or perhaps
a slightly dangerous and deadly sexy femme fatale from a noir mystery.
The Exotic Lover loves pleasure and is a treasure to date, though it
can be difficult to do so because they sometimes tend to be mysterious
and reluctant to commit.
In terms of physical love, the Exotic Lover can be quite
surprising, as they are often more exciting and adventurous than
predicted. Given a little freedom, and the right lover, the Exotic
Lover can be a delight in bed.
Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Liberated Lover (most of all) or the Devoted Lover, or the Romantic Lover.
Congratulations!
Thanks Again! -- THE LOVER STYLE PROFILE TEST |  |
My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 3% on partner focus | | You scored higher than 28% on aggressiveness | | You scored higher than 65% on adventurousness |
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| Ask the great 8-ball of wonder!!! |
[14 Oct 2005|09:30am] |
YOU CAN ASK ME SIX QUESTIONS::
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
__________________________________________________
No matter how random, revealing, rude, naughty or pointless
__________________________________________________
I promise to answer them (well, most of them) truthfully
__________________________________________________
[[[Repost this to see what others ask you...]]]
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